Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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