is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
