I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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