i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
