how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Randomize
