Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
