Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
i think i just lost a toe
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
