No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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