Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
