ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You are a genius and a whore.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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