I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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