I am in a vortex of obligation.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
