chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
