Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
