why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
