Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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