i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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