I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize