apparently the secret to your success is patron
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
