my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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