He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
this hospital has no fireball
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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