Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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