I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize