So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
