i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
