Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
