I'm jealous of your bromance
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
