You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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