Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize