dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
