Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
