we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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