I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
cat food counts as protein by the way
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We need to get me chipped asap
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
