I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize