Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
