we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
