yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
