There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
