We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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