It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
