Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
