i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize