you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize