i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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