my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
