This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
