got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
