Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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