is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
