Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
