Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
