I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
