it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
