I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
