Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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