you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
