Where is the hickey?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
