In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
