Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize