sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
How external is "for external use only"?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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