I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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