Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
